Things They Did In Order To Write

November 28, 2016

In the language of content creation, a listicle is an article in the form of a list. Some have argued that the listicle’s ancestry lies not only in journalism but also in literary works, such as poems. The following listicle exemplifies this hybrid history. It is composed, or rather crowdsourced, from solicited contributions. In a few cases I have enhanced an item using an algorithm called “my imagination.”


Married the guy with the ponytail
Pretended her side effects were worse than they were
kept her laptop in a cupboard by the stove
gave up looking for her vibrator, returned to her desk
borrowed some Adderall from the twins
acted in a quite unfriendly way
agreed to a weekly sex quota
sabbatical at three quarter pay
Became a woman
became a man
cut ties with a loving friend
refused facebook
missed parties
stopped exercising
started exercising
could not stop exercising
could not start exercising
Ignored the knocks.
Ignored contractions.

Got pregnant
ordered in
checked into a Motel 6 alongside a Florida highway.

Acquired debt
frequented coffee shops & stayed too long
lived in an economically devastated city for many years
ate many chocolate croissants
adopted cats
closed the cats out of the room
“ambiently emailed at all hours”
bit her nails ferociously.

Gained weight.

Found her vibrator in her desk drawer and left it there.
Stocked up on blue bic pens and yellow legal pads.
Stopped being tortured by an eating disorder.

Stayed in bed.

Worked beyond dark
Worked beyond sense
Scattered her children to the four corners of the earth

Ignored the voices in her head
Ignored the voices outside her head
Then listened to them and started all over again

Googled “mindfulness.”
Googled “Mila Kunis plastic surgery.”
Googled “mindfulness” again.

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